Strange Beauty Pt 1
by RayneBow Sunshine
Summary: Name: Strange BeautyRating: GSummary: Ties in with Ep. III, No spoilers. Nice story, better than recent peices. :D Basically, its a scene of Padme finding herself caught between loving Ani and seeing the side of him that eventually wins out. It's a story
1. Chapter 1

Name: Strange Beauty  
Rating: G  
Summary: Ties in with Ep. III, No spoilers. Nice story, better than recent peices. :D Basically, its a scene of Padme finding herself caught between loving Ani and seeing the side of him that eventually wins out. It's a story of the conflict she faces with not wanting to distrust him and not being able /to/ trust him. Enjoy!

I waited there for him, on the same balcony where we'd been married. My mind raced; he said he'd be here. So he would, right? Of course. We'd been apart for a month because of straining circumstances and missions Anakin was on. But I was waiting, anxiously, for his arrival. I knew he hadn't changed all that much in a month, but I had missed him so. I missed his soft lips that caressed mine. I missed his the way his hair smelled. I missed the touch of his hands, and mainly, the warmth of his arms. Did he miss me as I did him? I knew he did. My eyes searched for the first sign he was coming, even the sound of footsteps. I missed his voice, his wit, his passion. I missed my husband. I leaned onto the ledge, so ready and excited to see him that I became disillusioned with waiting. I closed my eyes and felt the cool breeze on my face.

Then I felt hands around my hips. 

"Padmé Skywalker…" A voice sing-songed in my ear.

A voice that sent shivers down my spine. "Anakin!" I whirled around. "Oh, Ani, you came!" I leapt into his arms. "I wouldn't miss it for anyone," He laughed as he pulled me into him, leaning down for a kiss. I missed those soft lips. "I missed you, so much…" I said, and he smiled as he traced the outline of my cheek-bones with his thumbs. "I missed you too." His voice was something I'd realized I took for granted when we were together. I jumped up to throw my arms around his neck. "We have a lot to catch up on. Would you like to go sit down?" He asked. I knew he was tired, I was too. "Obi-wan sends best wishes." He told me, backing off a little. "That's very nice of him. But to be truthful, I'm just glad to have you home again." I smiled and took his hand. "Do you want to go lie and rest?" I asked, seeing his eyelids heavy as he tried to stay awake. I figured that conversation, if it was to be a tired conversation, would feel a little thin. He nodded sleepily and led me back to the guest bedroom. "I want to hold you." He said, unmaking the bed. "And I do want to talk, I'm just very tired…" He yawned and laid down onto it. "I wish I could sleep." I said, holding my head at the temples. It would be heaven to be sleep to him again, to smell his hair & feel his hands; but my headaches had been getting worse lately and sleep would not come easy. "Padmé, are you alright?" He asked, looking seriously at me. I felt so stupid to even begin to worry him like that. "Oh, I'm fine." I tried to reassure him as fast as I could, perhaps too fast. "I don't think so…" He sat up and seemed more awake, his eyes taking on sort of a look of accusation. "If something were wrong, you'd tell me, right?" He took my hand in his. He seemed as though he thought I was hiding something from him. His touch, for lack of better words, was odd. It felt cold and a little out of character. "Of course, Anakin." I said, searching his eyes for whatever he might be suspicious about. "Then tell me what's the matter, please." His voice sounded more warm, and the ice in his touch melted. "I've been having terrible headaches, that's all." I sighed. I felt it was rude to make him worry over nothing the way I had. It was nothing, I was sure of it. At least half sure, anyways. And even if I wasn't sure, even if I was sure that it was the most serious of things, I didn't understand what Ani thought I'd be hiding from him. It was as if he was sure of it, by the look he was casting in my direction and the lifelessness of his caress. I wouldn't lie to him anymore than I would myself.

"That's not what's bothering you, Padmé. I can feel it." He looked deeper into my eyes then I should've like him to, his eyes burning into mine with a look that seemed to be analyzing my smallest movements. It made me seem more nervous than I was, really. "What are you talking about?" My voice sounded more condescending than I would've liked as well. "I-I can't put my finger on it, but I just sense a concealed feeling in you, a disturbance." My hands were folded in with his own, in his lap as we sat face to face on the bedside. "I'm not concealing anything from you." I said, hands on his shoulders now as though I were to shake the sense into him. I really would've liked to do that, because whatever point I seemed to be hiding was lost on me. "Then why do I feel this distrust from you?" He asked, as though I really knew the answer to this question. "I have no clue, but I assure you, Anakin; I trust you." I was hoping my eyes were proving to be sincere, but somehow the crestfallen look on his face seemed to show me otherwise. "You've got to believe me…" I sighed, wondering who or what gave him the idea that I'd deceive him. "I can't say that I do, Padmé." My jaw dropped in wonder. "Anakin, what have I done to deserve this distrust?" I yelled at him, fire and sadness flowing in me. The truth was I had done nothing, nothing like what I'd seen from him. More and more I was seeing that he felt something or somebody was trying to take him away from me, or I away from him; seeing that he felt awfully threatened by anything that didn't include him as he'd like it to. The way he acted scared me. "I don't believe that you've done anything, but I feel differently. I feel as though you're leaving me out on something. I want you to trust me." He said, giving me a stare that was worth its weight in ice, a stare that rested solely on me and nothing else in the room. My heart ached at these accusations, beating painfully in my chest. "Ani," I said taking his hands to my chest to feel my heart beat, "I do trust you, I love you. But the way you're acting now, I feel as though you're changing." The words were hard for him to hear, I could tell by his expression. But he did not stop to think they might've been even harder to say. He jerked his hand way from my grasp and ran it back through his hair. "Changed? Changed!" He demanded, his voice raised. Yet I found I saw him looking suddenly more like the man I loved. His eyes softened, his face more so, in a way that made him look hurt and vulnerable. "How have I changed?" His voice, too, was seeming more light of anger, yet more heavy with concern. "You seem so angry, so quick to suspect. Even where there is nothing to be suspecting, especially with me." All I wanted was to make him understand, to make him see. "Don't you see it in yourself?" I asked him, standing up off the bed. "No, I do not, Padmé. I sensed it that you were holding back from me, and now I know you were. You were holding back your anger for me!" His eyes lost their softness, replaced by a swell of tears. The tears didn't make their way from his eyes, however. "Anakin, I have no anger, just concern." I was speaking with my hands now, voice quivering. "And what happened to the love?" He asked. My mind was bursting, as was my heart. Nothing he was saying was making sense. I couldn't comprehend where this was coming from, not when just an hour earlier I had been worried of ruining his homecoming with my headaches. My head, heart, and stomach all ached painfully now. "It has never left my heart." I replied, holding my temples. "You're hurting me, so badly, Padmé. You're lying to me!" He yelled, now letting the tears fall over his eyes and snake wind down his cheeks.   
"Then tell me what I feel, Anakin. Tell me what I am lying about, because I am obviously lying to my own heart as well." I felt my face grow hot, a surge of anger coursed in my body. "I don't know!" He was shouting loudly now, face red and eyes furious. "What is the meaning of this Ani? I said that I loved you and you call my truth on it?" I felt the anger float down and out of my mind, replaced by a sinking, anxious feeling. "Yes. No…I mean…" He took his hands into his hair in a frustrated manner. "Because it's not a lie, it's the truth. It's the only thing I'm certain of anymore. I was hiding my concern because I knew that you'd react to me this way, with hateful stares and words." I was begging something of him, something I knew he could not do. Something I would never dare mention out loud. I wanted us to be as we were, I wanted him to turn back time and to return to being who I'd fell in love with, to be him all the time rather than seeing bits and pieces of that man. "I'm not trying to hurt you, or anyone else! I just feel…" He trailed off. "I just feel.." I sighed deeply, being able to breathe at the hope that soon I'd be smiling at the sight of him reverting back into Ani, my Ani. "Talk to me, Anakin. Now is when I need you to trust me." He looked to one side then the other, searching for words he couldn't find. He stammered occasionally, thinking hard I could see. "I can't!" His face was contorted and different from anything that I'd seen from him before. "You can't trust me or you can't talk to me?" I asked, suddenly realizing that there was no better option in either of those. "I can't trust anyone!" He screamed, voice so dark and angry, like none I'd ever heard. "Why are you doing this? I missed you, Anakin. I wanted you to come home so badly, and now I'm unsure of why, with you acting so…so…" I could not finish that sentence. "So then I'll go." He spoke as though he had already made up his mind. "Ani, no. That's not what I meant!" He was twisting my words as though he wished for this to continue. Did he want to fight me? I felt as though I were losing the Anakin I fell in love with, but found myself questioning how long ago I'd actually began losing him. Her force floated his tunic to his side. "Then tell me, Padmé, what did you mean?" The answer to this question, I did not know. I had no idea what I could say about what I truly meant to this person, this seemingly perfect-stranger, standing before me. "Anakin, my head…" I gasped for air. I don't remember anything, except blackness and the face of that boyish Jedi I married. I remember falling, seeing Anakin's face, seeing the room spin as I wound to the ground. His face was shocked, and I heard him scream my name, but everything seemed far away. I had apparently fainted. I assumed it was somewhere between my headache's throbbing pain and my stressed condition.

I came to laying in our bed, with Anakin sitting at my side. His face, if just for the moment, was pure and beautiful. His hands, both of them, were holding my left tightly. I saw a trail, where a tear had fallen over his cheek. When my eyes met his, they were no longer burning but now were alive and happy. "Padmé, you're alright." He said, breathlessly, as though he had not breathed since I fell. "What happened?" I said weakly, feeling the knot on my head. "You fainted…it was all my fault, Padmé, I'm so sorry." He said, casting an angry glance at the floor. "Don't be, Anakin. I'm alright, I'm fine now, Ani." I spoke without looking at him again. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't forget the accusations and the words he spoke to me. "I am sorry, I should not have accused you of betrayal you didn't commit. I love you…" I could see the pain in him, but to admit to myself that I saw darkness there as well, was something I could not now if ever do. I did not speak, nor look at his eyes. "Please, Padmé, say you forgive me?" He begged, clasping our hands together. "Please, I do not want to speak of this now. I am still in a lot of pain." I touched my throbbing head. "Please, just say it, please, just for me?" He was pleading with me, just wanting me to say those words. But how could I if I didn't mean them? How could I forgive what I didn't understand? I couldn't. I couldn't look into his eyes knowing it was a lie and be okay with that. "Ani, please." I broke our connection through his grasp on my hand, and turned away on my side. "No! Please, listen to me!" He yelled, turning me by my shoulder. "Let go of me, Anakin.." I said unblinking, I could feel the widening of my eyes. "All I ask of you is to accept my apology." He said, using his way of making things sound more simplified when said in his voice. "All I ask of you is that we drop the matter for now, now when I am in pain!" I begged him now. "I'm so sorry, I'm not trying to do this again. I apologize to you, please." He said, stroking my hair. I did not miss this touch from him, I did not at all. It was the touch of a stranger to me. "Thank you." I mumbled to him. "You know I'd never hurt you, you know I love you." To me it sounded more like a question than a statement. A question I always thought I'd be able to answer until just then. I just silently prayed he didn't add a 'right?' to it. I felt the inevitable awkwardness surround us. No longer was his heartbeat anything like mine. It was a new song, it was not what I remembered it being all those nights I slept listening to it. But nothing was as I remembered it. His face looked more sullen now than before, and his temperament was so short. I missed him kissing me, telling me everything was alright and he was there, me actually wanting to kiss him too, or even the nervousness he possessed around me. But most of all I missed not having to recall memories to see those things from him. Now I saw a man, one whom I was meeting for the first time, a stranger in my bed. In mine and my husbands bed. I felt sick at the thought that loomed in my mind, the one that my heart was reluctantly agreeing with my mind on. There was a thought I couldn't breathe at thinking, the thought that I was losing the Ani I loved for good. I hoped he wouldn't wonder about the silence, but he wasn't too foolish to see that it indeed meant something. "You do, don't you?" How could I answer this? I didn't want to hurt Anakin, I didn't want to encourage the wrath of this man's anger, and I didn't know what to say. So I laid in silence, pretending to be asleep. I felt his arms go around me and hold me tightly. And I wasn't sure what to think. I wanted so badly to trust him, but yet I wanted to help him as well. The two seemed opposite. But for then, I just lay there and slept. Problems would wait, because I knew when I opened my eyes, his confusion within would still be there. That in itself was bitter sweet. When I did arise from sleep, I found he was not there. He was sitting in our living room, staring out the window. "You didn't answer me, and I know you weren't asleep." He said, not meeting my gaze. "So would you like to talk about it should I let it die?" He turned to me, and the eyes I met where red with having been crying. "I'd rather just sit, and not talk, Love." I said. My mind hadn't agreed with Love, but my heart had only him in it, and I wanted to rest his mind with that. "Alright." He was unwavering. I sat on the chair that he occupied the arm of. "I do love you." I said, rubbing his shoulder. He twitched at the touch of my fingers, as though he weren't used to it. He placed a hand on mine. "And you'll never know how much I you." He didn't look at me still, like he were afraid of the stare I might return to him. If he had, to me I would not have known how to return it. "I-I do know." I whispered faintly. He turned around then, to look into my eyes. I imagined him as he used to be, a Padawan learner with short hair and one braid; a nervous boy with such a grown up way of carrying himself, as though duality were his one and only personality. But then I let my heart settle on who he was now, and the two were not the same. He leaned in and brushed his lips softly against my own, cradling my head in his hands. "Please do." he said, pulling back to look at me.


	2. chapter 2

After that, we retired to bed, silently agreeing to gloss over the horrible exchange we had recently had. Maybe it was the way he'd looked at me, but something in him made me powerless in the fight that I not forgive him. I suppose it was the thought that maybe it was not all him doing these things, the hope that the man I loved so dearly would soon replace him again. At any rate, I never refused to let it go repeatedly; for whatever reason, Anakin still made me feel weak when he looked at me. That intense gaze burning into my own, screaming so many things at once. Now we laid, side by side in our room. "Goodnight." I brushed my hand across his shoulder. "Goodnight." It was a very quick and simple swap of words to negotiate around the awkwardness of it all. "I love you." He sighed, though it was several moments later. "I love you too." The words sounded heavy in the air, practically echoing on his ears as my head rested behind his own. I presumed that sleep had come easy to him, as he was seemingly there in moments. Therefore, I laid, my thoughts echoing off the walls and back to me with no better conclusion than I might've already reached in my own mind. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep that was regarded silence and dreamlessness.

That sleep soon was interrupted by a scream.

"Anakin!" I shouted, grabbing his hand. He mumbled something in a strained, choked voice and his eyes popped to alertness. "Just a dream, again." I took his face into one of my hands. "It's alright." His face wasn't as horrified, as it had been a moment before. "You're alright." He collapsed back onto the pillow. A look of confusion washed over me, and then it dawned on me that he had dreamt another dream of my pain. "Yes, Ani, I'm here. Beside you, and I'm safe." I said, trying to free him from this anxiety. He kissed my hand that still had a death grip on his own, and turned back over to me. "Good, this is where you belong." His voice was still stretched and unclear in the works of some mumbling now and then. My mouth formed a wide smile, hearing the desire for me in his voice. He wanted reassurance that I was his and that he was mine, and that made me feel butterflies in my stomach, butterflies of excitement at the fact that I now saw the same eyes I'd been longing to see for so long. Eyes that saw only me. I winced at myself, thinking of how incredibly vain that was. "I know." I said, the smiled reappearing more faint on my lips. He kissed my cheek gently and stood out of bed. "Get some rest, please." He fixed his sleeping pants so that they sat higher on his figure. "Where are you going?" My eyebrows made a point at the base of my forehead. "Just need to sit and think a while. Just get some rest." A concentrated look rested on his face. "Sure, Dear." I turned over uncomfortably on my pillow. Sleep did not come easily then, not after having been worked out of my sleep so hastily. Somehow, tears welled inside of my eyes, but I refused them. So many different emotions bubbled inside of my heart and mind at the moment. I was so angry with myself, disappointed that I had let it go so easily earlier. I was terrified and in hate with the person I had seen. I was ashamed I had fained forgiveness when I was lying in my bed listing the horrible feelings I had not let go of. I felt intense love, compassion, and even at length, passion for Anakin in his recent and better moments. I could not lay in the mayhem of my thoughts any longer. I walked into the living room to see him sitting in a chair. "Ani, please come back to bed." I said, voice soft with the last thoughts I was thinking still buzzing around my mind passion.' "I-I will soon." He cast his gaze onto me. My eyes rested on him as well.

"I want you to come now, please?"

I moved closer to where he was sitting. He smiled a lopsided smile and raised up from the chair. "Okay, for you, Padmé ." He took my hand in his. "Thank you." I rested my head on his shoulder. "I was hoping you'd come and ask me back." His eyes looked out at the farthest wall. "Why didn't you just follow in on your own?" I asked, gazing up at him. He looked so boyish in the moonlight. "Because I didn't want to bother you. I was afraid you were a little resentful I woke you up." He sighed and laughed a little on the last note. "You bother me more by leaving, but I know you need your space." I rolled over onto his stomach so I was looking into his eyes. "I do, but I'd like you to be in my space with me, if that at all makes sense." I laughed a little, shifting my weight so I wasn't pressing onto him so hard. "It doesn't but I don't much care, I'd rather it not." Soon the anger and confusion were gone again. "I missed this." He said, folding his hands on the blades of my shoulders. His hands were warm and his fingers danced nervously, though he didn't know I could feel it. "Missed what?" I asked, taking in every curve of his face as though I need to draw on this memory to remember it well. "Missed spending time with you, missed seeing you smile." A feeling shot through me, I was a little overwhelmed. The sincerity in his eyes suddenly erased every trace of our arguments, every trace or my horrible feelings I had harbored. "I-I missed you too…I mean, I-I…" I stammered. I hardly remembered the days when he actually left me breathless. His eyes were caring and warm, and I wanted nothing more than to stare into them. Then it settled over me, a feeling of deep-rooted confusion interrupting my moment of happiness. He changed so quickly tonight, too quickly too have me be comfortable with it. One moment I was ready to rip him in two, and the next I can hardly contain myself from hugging and kissing him. My own change surprised me to some extent, though I could never stay mad with Ani for long. My logical thoughts often interjected into my happier ones, ruining a moment that simply couldn't be retraced quite the same way. My face had an obvious drop in it, and I pushed that from my mind.

"_I don't care right now. Anakin missed me. I missed him. I don't care right now."_

I forced that thought out of my mind. "Something wrong, Padmé? He asked, rubbing my shoulders. I hesitated a moment, repeating that I did not care over and over in my mind. "N-no, of course not." I dropped off him and laid by his side in bed. He touched my face and I shuddered. "Are you sure everything's alright? Do you need to talk to me?" I could tell he was just trying to be nice but something in me felt like this was all becoming such a stretch. "I don't really want to talk." I took his hand in mine. "What happened?" His eyes were asking the same question. One that I could not answer if I had wanted to. "Nothing." 

He brushed my hair from my eyes, seeming so careful and adept. "I love you, very much."  
He was playing with my hair. I slid upwards to see his eyes, and placed my mouth over his. Suddenly, I had my own sense of adeptness as a romantic come over me. He kissed back with the same fervor as I had initiated the kiss. This was moment of preoccupation with one another. His hands were holding my face by the sides, mine holding his. Our breath heavy and rhythmic. But that thought slid into my mind, so quietly at first. It was like my mind was telling me this was not right, and my heart didn't care. Little voices of insecurity, of doubt or logicality always slipped in when I honestly wanted them to stay out. I was with my husband that I felt as though I had not seen in ages. Maybe I should've listened when they first started, but I didn't. I broke the kiss, reluctantly, and put my hands on his shoulders. His chest heaved rapidly and his eyes were burning with confusion. "W-what's wrong?" He said, catching his breath. "I can't, Ani, I'm sorry…" I gave him a quick kiss and swept from the room.  
I didn't know where I was going, there was no where he wouldn't follow. I sat in the chair I had retrieved him from and stared out the window. My own confusion was almost too much to bear. How could he have been so caring about me then and so horrible before? What decided which of these two I got to see? Who was he really? Questions swirled in my mind, quick paced thoughts yammering inside. I didn't know what to do. He still didn't know the news that I'd been hiding from him, the visible evidence getting hard not to notice. I had planned to tell him when he arrived, but things got ugly too quickly there. I wondered how he couldn't have noticed, but I did not ask. The fact that I was, indeed, pregnant with Anakin's child, was one that temporarily both excited and horrified me. The outburst we shared before, the mistrust I'd seen too often in his eyes, was not the person I wanted to share my child with. Soon he appeared in the doorway, hair wild and looking as though he was apologizing. 

"What's wrong, Padmé ? I told you before, I feel as though something is wrong here. If you need to talk to me, I'd really like to listen." He took a seat across from me. "I-I have something to tell you…" I smiled faintly. His eyes widened. "Anything." He begged me to go on. "We're going to have a child." I looked into his eyes, which were wider now than before, a smile crossing his face broadly. "What!" He yelled, laughter in his voice. How I missed that laughter in him, and to see that he too wanted a family as I did and was excited about the thought we were going to have our own, it brought joy to my bursting heart. "Padmé !" He threw his arms around me. "That's terrific news." His voice was jumpy and a little nervous. "Yes, Ani, I know." I smiled and hugged him back. I pushed aside my doubts that it wasn't as terrific as I was saying. "Why didn't you tell me before?" He asked, gasping. "Because I was unsure of what you'd want." He looked like I was somebody strange. "Padmé, I want nothing more than to start a family with you." He took my face in his hands again, as he always did when he felt the moment was getting intense. It was his way of connecting with me. "Thank you." I needed to hear that, badly. I needed to be reassured that he would want this as I did, that even through the storms I was seeing rage in his eyes, that he'd stand up and be with me. "Never think otherwise." His voice was rather commanding. My own breath was shortened and a little stretched.  
We laughed and talked a little longer, just kind of nonsensical mumblings and bursts of happiness now and then, before heading back to bed.  
"Good night, Ani." I smiled into his eyes.

"Good night." He smiled back to me.

To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

It was a few weeks to the day I had announced my pregnancy to Anakin. My stomach seemed to grow each day, and in the first few days, it enchanted Ani like nothing I'd seen. But things began shifting, and I could feel it. It was the inevitable feeling that we were made of glass and would break if not handled with care. Thoughts I knew I shouldn't have about him still loomed in my mind as though they were waiting for the day I'd admit the thoughts were real. That day would not come, not by my own will.

"Good Morning." He said, as I emerged from the bedroom.  
"Good Morning." I yawned, stretching upwards.

I caught his eyes scanning my stomach, as he always was. It was as though we were afraid it would disappear if we didn't watch it. We were both staring at it a great deal lately, but I noticed that Anakin's eyes were terribly different than my own. "Something wrong, Ani?" I asked, placing my hand over the pudge in my stomach, a bump that was pretty noticeable to strangers, though I prayed they'd not have the audacity to tell a senator she'd put on weight. His eyes diverted quickly to my own, and a half smile crossed his face. "No, nothing." His voice was anxious and a little jumpy. "Are you sure?" I closed the gap between us and sat in a chair beside him. "No, no. I'm fine. How are you this morning?" His voice had a hint of absence. "I'm great." My curious expression seemed to grow. He managed little more than a mumble. I knew that had I continued to ask if something was wrong it would only end up to be a self fulfilling statement. I wanted to ask, but I bit my tongue.

He doesn't need you to stress him out.

I wasn't really sure where everything was supposed to go from there. What to say, or think or do. "Oh…" I grabbed my head. It was another of my horrible headaches. My body flowed with a sensation of pain tingling inside it. "Padmé!" Anakin cried as he darted over to me. My face was contorted into a scowl and rather ugly looking at the moment. "An-Ani, I'm fine..." I protested. "Shh…tell me what's wrong." He demanded, holding my hand tightly. I tried to focus on the pressure of his hand holding my own rather than the sick feeling creeping through me. "It's my head, Anakin. My head again…" I held onto my left temple with one hand, and clenched my hand around Anakin's upper arm. "What can I do?" He was searching my eyes frantically. "Just give me a moment." I tried to reassure him it would pass, but that wouldn't be easy. I tried to push through the pain a little, just clear my mind and think pleasant thoughts. Soon enough it was over, it passed like a storm after the worst was over, and this time I remained conscious. "I-I'm fine now, Ani." I said, loosening the firm grip I held on his arm. "Are you sure? Maybe you should go lie down…" He touched my forehead, checking for any fever. "Anakin, I promise I'm really alright." A smile whispered over my lips, and I touched his arm. "If your sure." He touched my stomach longingly. It was curious to see him on his knees looking at the bulge in my belly like that. I mussed his hair a little. "I am." I smiled. He brought his eyes to my level, standing up half way. "I just want to be careful." He said, hugging me into his shoulder. When he managed to let go I pulled back.

"I would tell you if something was wrong." As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them.

I only hoped he would not take it as an indication to the argument we had about the very same fact. "Would you?" His eyes were serious, shining blue stars. "What are you asking me? Of course I would. We have been through this before. I love you, trust you." I wanted to summarize my reasons before I needed to speak them all individually. His gaze hardened a fair amount, at a time that I would think it would soften. "You'll never leave?" It was as though the next moment he might be checking into whether of not I hated him. "Ani," I gasped, "Ani, what are you talking about?" It was a most absurd question. "Please just tell me…" He looked somehow childish, still on his knees, hair a bush from my playful gesture, begging of me that I tell him what he already knew. "Why do you need to hear it to know it's true? You know I love you. I'm carrying your child. Why would I leave you?" His eyes were now frantically searching me again, but searching more for an answer. "Please just say it." He held my hands in his own. It felt almost disgusting to be asked to proclaim that I was not going to leave. We'd had this argument before, as we had many others. "I am not going to tell you something you are already very aware of." My eyes conveyed my shock at him. "I just need to hear it, please, Padmé, for me…" I couldn't refuse the look on his face; the beauty even in his desperation was not lost on me. "I love you, Anakin. I'd never leave." My own voice sounding rasped and stretched, as though I were on the edge of tears. He cupped a hand over my cheek. "Thank you, Padmé." He Didn't really smile, but his face broke from the set frown it had on it. I wanted to ask why, wanted to help him. But I couldn't bring myself to do it then. "Your welcome." I said, looking disenchanted. He stared at my stomach for a moment before taking a seat in the chair in front of me. "I just needed to hear it from you." He spoke confidently, sure of himself, almost proud that I had given into saying what he wanted me to say. "Ani, do you hear yourself speaking?" I asked, trying now to find my voice. "You are asking me to promise to you things you already know, to promise things I had intended on doing already." His expression was pained. "But Padmé, don't you see?" He strained a choked laugh. "Intend as you might, me being here may not always be an option. I may have business, situations rarely stay the same for a-" He stopped. I knew what he was going to say. For a Jedi. "Thing's are always changing for everyone else too, Anakin. But I love you, and that should be enough." My voice was defined and very sure at the moment. I hardly disagreed with Ani on anything; I was almost in fear to sometimes.

"I just needed to know that would stay the same." He sounded so strange.

"What would make it change?" I challenged. Thoughts swirled inside his mind, I could see from his expression. That was the only question I truly wanted answered. "I don't know, Padmé, I just don't want to lose you." His eyes were burning stares into mine. "Ani, when have you ever come close to losing me? I am not going anywhere." I met his gaze with my own fire. "And I just needed to hear you say that." He explained as though it were that simple. "I don't understand. Don't you trust me?" I wasn't sure that he would answer this truthfully. "I want to trust you…" His reply shook me. A scowl appeared on my face. "That wasn't what I asked you, Anakin." I glared into his direction. "Yes, but-" I stopped him with an interjection of my own voice. "Ani, this is not based on terms and conditions and what you want. This is about me, you, our baby. This is about us, Anakin, don't you see that?" His expression was unemotional, and cold. "Maybe I do better than you." He stood and walked out of the room. Part of me wanted to chase after him, the other part wanted to cry. My own husband was a stranger, and with that the two weeks of happiness we shared was shattered. Gone were the moments I thought that this were over and that I had pushed doubt from my mind. Erased were the thoughts that we might just be able forget his changing personality for the benefit of our love. "I don't even know you." I hissed at no one, at the air. I clenched my fist, the anger rising. Tears won the better of me, however. I couldn't help but cry at the whirlwind of thoughts in my mind. They were so loud, so demanding at the moment. Even if I did know why Ani was acting so careless and cold, I could not help but think at the moment I would rather leave him to his own devices than help. Out of nowhere, I thought of the Jappor snippet. I remembered when Anakin had given it to me, so long ago. He was different then, however. He was a small boy, the most cherubic faced one I had ever known. Also, the most gifted child I had ever seen build or repair anything.

I walked into our room, though slightly deflated when I saw Anakin on our bed. I reached into a night side table where I kept a small red box. The box held the Jappor Snippet inside, safely tucked away. I removed it from the box, careful not to let the folds of paper make too much noise in the process. I placed it around my neck, a certain quality of peace settling over me. I almost wanted Anakin to see me and stop me, to tell me he was sorry and that things could be as they were. Deep inside I knew things could never be as they were, that things were always on a time that was never in our favor. I would never say that, though. Never admit it to myself. I exited the room as quickly as I had gone in, and as lonesome. I toyed with the Snippet, recalling happily the days before.

"Are you an angel?"

My eyes filled with tears I could not hold back. He was so innocent then, so free from the ghosts that haunted him now. Time had a way of changing people that at the moment made me want to cry out, it had changed him for the worse. I couldn't help but continue reminiscing over the Ani I once knew, the one I had a sinking feeling would forever be only in my memories. The way I'd seen him feel once, it was so beautiful. I remember the nervousness in him when he first confessed that he loved me, the way he trembled when I told him I returned that love. Granted that was some time later. Out of my memories protruded the first time I had ever seen Anakin act in such a way that shocked me, the first time before this all began.

"…and I slaughtered them like animals... I hate them!"

I shuddered at the image of Anakin killing anything. I wiped the tears from my eyes and stood up only to be met by Ani standing in the door way. I gasped a little and sniffled. Letting the Jappor Snippet fall through my fingers and onto my chest. I wondered if he would notice I was wearing it and see it as a sign. A sign of what, exactly, I wasn't sure. He passed me silently, regarding me with less than a glance. I passed into our room, and sat on the bed next to the warm indentation where he'd been sitting. I could feel him enter the room, hear his breathing. "Padmé listen to me…" He said, in less of a begging way and more of a statement. I didn't contest. "There's too much you don't understand…Too much I cannot explain. You will just have to trust me, Padmé." His voice was dark, and cold. My heart was heavy with the want to hear it more alive and humane. I said nothing, just held in tears, afraid of speaking for that they might spill out. "Will you trust me, Padmé?" He asked, still standing, facing my back. I could not look into his eyes, the burning fires that captivated me in a way that made me powerless. I managed little more than clearing my throat. I touched my stomach, and rested my hands there. "You do not trust me?" He asked, voice rising. "I do not know." I spoke flatly. "Padmé, please..." I could not face him, could not see the look on his face. I have to leave, but I'll be back shortly." He had closed the space between us, because now I could hear his breathing and feel his pressure leaning on the bed. Slight indications that he was saying goodbye to me before he left, without using those words. I didn't bother to ask where he was going; I'd just be met with silence. "Please be safe, Ani." I turned and stared at him, standing to brush my lips across his. There was a lack of emotion there, however. He tried to pull me in closer, but I edged away awkwardly. My round belly didn't help with that, though. He made a statement of understood with his eyes and hugged me tightly, stopping to touch my stomach before he departed. He stopped in the doorway. "I love you, Padmé." He didn't look at me. "I love you, Anakin." I spoke carefully, words becoming harder to form in my mouth.

It seemed as though time were doing terrible things to us all, but now in shorter time. I suppose we always knew we were on borrowed time, time that would run out and leave us gasping for air in a sea of confusion. All good things come to an end, and ours was looming ever closer in my mind. I had told him I would not give in to him, and I did. I sat, on a ship flying out to where I knew I would find Anakin, the man who had taken over my Ani. I had given in, though I said it would not work, to a lot of things.

Secret marriage, secret love, secret pregnancy.

(Author's Note: I know this next part if very sloppy on the whole Sith gaining control and the scene going on in the movie, but I really don't want to delve into that. Excuse me for it, please. Just assume she knows everything she is supposed to up until this point. This scene is the visit of Obi-Wan to bring her news of Ani! Thanks again!)

"Please come in.…" I beckoned Master Obi-Wan into my home. "It's refreshing to see you safe." I offered him a seat. He declined with a sorrow filled shake of the head. "Is Anakin here, Padmé?" His voice was heavy with hurt. "No, he hasn't been since yesterday. I have no idea where he is now." My face tensed with worry. "There are things going on with Anakin now, things I do not wish to tell you." He spoke forlornly. "Master Kenobi, I beg that you do.…" My eyes welled with tears at what he might say next. "I am afraid the Anakin we knew is no more. He has joined.…" His eyes grazed my own uncomfortably, "He has joined the Dark side." I stumbled backward in shock, and placed a hand on my stomach. I feared Obi-Wan already knew what was evident, that Anakin was the father. "You cannot be right, this cannot be true. What proof do you bring to me?" I said through tears that were falling. "I have seen things I will never forget, things that will forever haunt me about my former Padawan. I have seen him kill younglings." I broke into a steady stream of tears, balancing myself with one hand & holding my mouth with the other. "No, you're wrong, Master Obi-Wan. He wouldn't, couldn't.…." I began to sob, looking at my swollen belly. Our child grew there; our child that could've been like the younglings Anakin might've killed. "You're not telling the truth." My eyes rested heavy upon him. "I wish that were true. I need to find him, you must understand he is a threat, a great threat with the Jedi power he possess and the -" He did not finish. I knew what was going to happen, what the Jedi did to threats.

"Aggressive negotiations, negotiations with a light saber."

I almost laughed at remembering what Ani had told me so long ago. Sniffling slightly, I spoke to Obi-Wan. "I do not wish to hear more, Master Kenobi. I cannot assist you in finding him, I have no idea where he has gone. Please, if you'll be so kind as to excuse me." I motioned to the door with a very blank stare. He did leave, but not before giving me his most sincere apologies. I had more confusion in me than before, mixed with tears, and pain, hate, and love.

It was around sunset when I boarded my ship, I had to find him, to see for myself if this great tale that Master Kenobi was spinning was the truth. Threepio was there with me, though I did regard him very carefully at the moment. There was no possibility that was Obi-Wan was saying could be the truth, he had to be wrong. But deep inside I had my doubts that he was wrong, I had noticed a change in Ani too great to ignore. But this change was not as radical as turning to the Dark side. Jedi do not just convert to that, it just had to be a change over a period of time. But I knew Anakin better than this, he had always wanted to be a Jedi, he would not do the unspeakable things Obi-Wan had described to me, there was no way he was capable of slaughtering younglings. My mind thought back to the Sand-people. I pushed it out, that was different, I said to myself. Though in my heart of hearts I did not know how.

My ship landed down beside Anakin's on Mustafar. Just to see his face again, alive, brought joy to my heart. I ran into his arms. "Ani!" I smiled broadly. He kissed me and pulled back. "I have heard unspeakable things, Anakin, Master Kenobi has told me you did very disturbing things." I had a sour look on my face, and he brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes. His expression hardened. "Tell me, Padmé, tell me what they've tried to poison you with!" He seemed angry, fire in his voice. "Just terrible…they said.…" I choked back tears at even mentioning the possibility. "They said you killed mere children." His eyes were on fire now, burning. "They are trying to poison you!" He shouted, as though I had confirmed it. "He wants to help you, he knows this is your child…" I pulled closer to him as though I were still whispering a secret. "How can that be?" He said, lowering his tone. "I-I was in a grip of something, Ani, please believe me that I did not confirm it purposefully." I said, staring into his eyes. He nodded as though he understood. "Do not listen to him, ignore whatever lies he tries to have you hear." He warned, pointing a finger. "But, Ani, he cares about you and our child as well.…" I said, to no avail. He shook his head vehemently. "No, Padmé, don't you see? He is powerless against me, against us. He cannot save your life the way I can now. I have been doing this, all of this, for you…" It was as though he were trying to convince himself. "Anakin, don't do this for me! I told you once before I do not mean to let you give up your future for me, and I still mean to abide by that. Let's go, before it's too late, Ani. Please…" I begged.  
"There is no limit to what we can do now, my Love!" He laughed a little. "We could rule everything as we see it before us, and change things to be the way we see fit to be changed! The possibility of our power is endless." He spoke with conviction, and thirst in his voice. I shook my head and backed away from him. "No, Ani, Please. It cannot be that way. This cannot be who you are, I am losing you.…" He looked at me with glaring eyes. "Never! You will never lose me nor I you!" He shouted. "Anakin, I have lost who I knew before…who I fell in love with. My heart is breaking knowing that I cannot stop loving you, but I cannot follow where you are leading. It is You who is breaking my heart, Ani!" Tears streamed on my face. "No! This is a better way, a way you & I can be forever!" He said, inching closer to me. "Anakin, please...Stop this now, while you are able to. The damage is done, but please for the sake of our child and my own life, do not do anymore." He shook his head again. "I have damaged nothing but lies and deceit plagued on us for years by the Jedi and republic! If you love me, please join me, come with me…" I could not breathe for tears, I could not believe the words I was hearing from Anakin's mouth. "Anakin, you know I love you more than anything, that's why you must stop." I pleaded with him, countering his moving towards me with stepping back slightly. "I am the all-powerful person I told you I would be, that I promised you I would be. Now, join me Padmé, do not betray me." I choked on my tears. "No!" I cried hoarsely.

"I love you but I could never do as you want me to do.…I love you.…" I said, covering my mouth.

"You have lied to me again!" He yelled, pointing behind of me. I turned and saw Obi-Wan in the door of my ship. "I don't understand!" I screamed. "You have lied! You have plotted my death with him and you are here to carry it out! Well, it will not be that way.…" His eyes burned into my soul, ferocity the likes I never saw in him. His mouth was in a growl, his hair tousled and messy. The stance of the man before me was not that of Ani. It was in that moment I realized how long ago Ani had died. He was gone long before this, and I saw that fact blazing in the eyes of the man standing before me. "Ani I would never hurt you!" I screamed. "Do not speak!" He shouted, holding his hand out. I felt the breathing in my throat get tighter and tighter as I clawed at my neck. Please Ani I love you I kept trying desperately to scream .I was lifted off the ground, pregnant belly hanging in the air. I pleaded silently with him that if not for me for his baby, don't suffocate me. He moved his hand tighter in the air and blackness surrounded me, circling in on all I could see. All I could see were the burning eyes of the man I had loved, the man who would've fathered my baby, the man who was choking the air out of my lungs though he knew my heart beat only for him.

"You have life in you Padmé, don't let it slip away." I could see Obi-Wan holding my hand as I lay on the table. I struggled not to cry, my body was in such pain. My heart was in more so. I knew now the man I loved was gone long ago, but now Anakin was gone as well. "It's a girl…" a medical droid buzzed in my ear. "L-Leia." I spoke faintly; my voice seemed under pressure of pain. "And a Boy." It said afterwards. "Luke, his name is Luke." I reached for his hand as I took hers as well. I could feel it inside that I was growing fainter, and I knew that things were not going to have a happy ending this time, things would have to be better for Luke and Leia, but things for me were not going to end with the love I had once. "Stay with us, Padmé. You have much life still ahead of you." Obi-Wan begged me. "It hurts.…" I bit my lip in pain. "I know things could've been different, but they are not. I still love him, Master Kenobi. I still know Ani is in there somewhere.…" I studied the Jappor Snippet in my hands.  
"I am sorry, Ani…sorry things ended like this.…"


End file.
